At His Mercy: The True Story of a Victim's Journey Through Clergy Sexual Misconduct

As I grew in my new position as a youth ministry leader, I soon found myself embroiled in a seductive, tumultuous relationship with my pastor. He was a charismatic bad boy and I was an insecure newlywed who felt unappreciated and unfulfilled at home. The sexual tension between us would quickly ramp up before being dialed back – always on his terms – inching ever closer to the point of no return. Over the course of nearly two years, I was completely at his mercy, driven through the euphoric highs and the devastating lows of his emotional rollercoaster until we even-tually went as far as we could possibly go.

But as our trysts became more sporadic and emotionally damaging, I sought professional advice. Suddenly, everything came into perspective – I was a victim of clergy sexual misconduct, the sinister and subtle power dynamic that gives religious leaders untold psychological control over their flock. I was left torn, unsure if I should report the pastor or persist with the relationship, wondering if what we shared was indeed true love.

This memoir is a raw, narrative portrayal of the true emotions and events that led me down such a dark path that felt so right in the moment. My intent is for others who have experienced similar abuse – either in the Church or elsewhere – to find in my story the affirmation, hope, and strength to acknowledge the true nature of abusive power dynamics. This is a story of seduction, shame, revelation, and the long, uncertain road to recovery.