Frankie Lassut: 32 books

PORE 2 looks at those annoying people, you know, those who are lucky.Everyone I’ve asked ‘believes’ in luck, but that’s the only word they have to describe that state of being. Luck must work a bit like gravity, because nice things come to lucky people (luck has to be a force?). There is an...

The Black Grouse is an English hero in Scotland, helping out where the Scottish can’t, mainly due to their love of barley based refreshments. With his team, not only does the Grouse perform well at the Highland games, but also in his mission. The villains are English too, a right mad duo, but are...

The Plastic Christmas Card is a quirky little ‘wodzeon’ Quick Flash story about creating Christmas happiness.But, what is happiness? This following ‘history’ took hours and hours of research in huge libraries and on the net. Wodzeon? That’s what sometimes happens when someone reads my stuff,...

This story like all the others isn’t drug induced like some people seem to think, it’s natural ‘Bizarro’ talent. It can be a burden though, because when people find out that I’m naturally talented they insist on buying you drinks and either nuts or crisps. I’m now an alcoholic who crunches...

I don’t like write ups because they can give the story away and I don’t want to do that. The Tomb is about a tomb. Powder puff is based on talcum powder. Bitch Killer is about a rat who’s been hurt but finds gainful employment through it. The Grandfather Clock is about a Grandfather clock. This...

Bizarre, or is it bizarre? I once had a weird friend called Stuart. He wanted to invite me around his house when he was throwing a party, because he wanted to introduce me to his friends as ‘a bizarre man’. The guy worked at IBM so he wasn’t stupid. I’ve read my writing, obviously and I don’t...

This is a little handbook on life, which isn’t packed with mumbo jumbo stuff. It won’t make you thin or rich or stop you a smoking, which is good because hospitals need patients, they’re their life’s blood (especially in haematology). The little widgy book logically supposes a few weirdo things...

Have a torch handy, because if The Demon scares you like it might; you may go and hide under your bed. And then, if when you’re under your bed and it’s maybe dark … well, you’ll have a torch to read the rest of the book. We get a massive cheque from Duracell each year for improving their sales...

I really do hope that these writings are bizarre enough for you, because they’re ‘normal’ to me. They’re normal entertainment (which is why I have few friends and can only see them when it’s visiting times’ and then they’re ‘normally’ drugged up. I’ve visited them before and been...

This is the story of a gay couple. One night someone asks one of them, in a threatening way “Oi bitch! Are you gay?” He replies “No, but my boyfriend is”. They’re quite ordinary. One night there’s a clairvoyant on at the Town Hall (to Clearly See …that’s what clairvoyant means). Well,...

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is a story based in Shakespeare’s time, it isn’t.; there have been enough of those to render the subject borinnng. This ‘fiasco’ is a modern day literary caricature spoof, written as a fun, 'cheeky' way to help a community of real people. It's...

There is though a rather sinister world out in the blue yonder going under the heading of ‘flash’ … it is bad to the core. There are people out there locked in darkened rooms with padded walls, tables and chairs, who write flash stories of maybe ten words and they are addicted to doing them....

Shopping for Mumbo Jumbo? What that really means is, having an interesting time and even an amusing time shopping. That’s because wellbeing, or ‘mumbo jumbo’ really means, feeling good. That’s your purpose on earth, to come here on ‘holiday’ and have a good time. We lose that particular...

I have heard that when Hollywood makes a film about an event that happened somewhere, the only thing that is ‘actual’ is the fact that they used a camera to shoot it with and the rest is all made up for entertainment purposes. So I thought ‘I’ll do the same’, but I also swear blind that...