FREEDOM FROM COMPULSIVE OVEREATING 32 Pounds 7 Years and Counting!

My personal story.

How I started to overeat as a child for comfort and was called chubby the pain and shame of peers making fun of me. For over 30 years I did many attempts to control food as I got older all of which failed including but not limited to:  diets, small bites, one tonged fork to eat peas, counting calories, unplugged a refrigerator to not overeat, not using a shopping cart in the store, taking a shopping list to stick to, becoming vegetarian, diet aid products, restricting, weighing on the scale several times a day, swearing I would do better, talking badly to myself about why I could not stick to losing weight, starving myself, moving geographically, mindful chewing each bite 20 times (boring), and much more. Some attempts worked temporarily but I always gained the weight back and more. I ended up 182 pounds, I am 5 foot one inch.

In 2005 I had an awakening. I realized I was a slave to food. Food controlled me I did not control food. Somewhere in my life I had lost the power to control food, I had crossed a line never to return to being a normal eatter, my willpower had utterly failed. This awakening was actually a relief and brought peace. My medical primary doctor helped me with a number, a weight he wanted me to get to it was 150 pounds. I had been diagnosed as mildly obese, a candidate for diabetes two if I did not lose weight, it had become harder to breathe, I had trouble bending over to tie my shoes, I had wasted countless amounts of money and time over eatting and covered up my emotions. I even became violent at times from certain foods I ate. I was selfish. 

I got back into a program that helped me including taking a personal inventory and giving it away to my priest which included resentments, fears, pain from my traumatized childhood, worries, and other aspects. He listened in confidence I gave all those flaws up to my Higher Power and made the amends and continue to work this program through ups and downs. My over all life is better. And my internal mental state is better. I also had a psychic change, a spiritual change in my thinking about food through working this program. It is as if I could not over eat even if I tried. Something changed inside my mind as a result of working this recovery program.

So it is not about control. I don't try to control food, I don't really have an eatting plan, I don't count calories,it is like as I continue to work this spiritual (NOT religious) program of recovery I continue to change on the inside which helps me deal with the outside daily living stuff. I don't do it alone. I have friends. And I have a Higher Power.

I was born intersexed knew I was a boy but was forced to wear girls clothing and be raised as a girl all of which I hated. I experienced incest, physical and religous abuse and cult abuse all in childhood. My grandmother and animals helped save my life and sanity she stuck by me until she died in 1983. The rest of my family abandoned me. I wrote about all of this and that I found a way out. I reached the weight goal in December 5, 2005 and have had a healthy weight since. I do maintenance including feeling feelings, service work, paying bills on time, eatting vegan food plan, taking better care of myself, helping others, and growing and changing including acceptance. I have people who stick with me and know about me and still love me. I am at peace in my own skin too.

I am sharing my story and how I found a way out to encourage others that you don't have to be a slave to food. There is a Power greater than food. I also enjoy food today but I eat to live I don't live to eat.