Learned to Love the Pain

The goals and dreams you once had as a child shouldnt dissipate because youve grown older or due to circumstances that have taken place in your life. But from me to you, you cant allow what happened to you at the age of four, eight, twelve, or sixteen hinder you from all the greatness you have to offer within you. I have wanted many times to use whats happened to me throughout my life as an excuse to be an awful person. I thought at one point that because I had been violated so many times that it would be nothing for me to give myself away for a small amount of money. I reasoned that because there were drugs available in my neighborhood, it would be easy to get to either indulge or sell them myself. Ive feared becoming a wife and parent, thinking that I would neglect them like I had been or that I would treat them inappropriately because that was my normal. These thoughts seemed to haunt me forever and sometimes still they run cross my mind, and in a constant negative state of mind, those thoughts could have become my existence. But there is God and He surrounded me with people that loved me even though I didnt see it at the time. He allowed them to intervene on my behalf and help me stay positive. My outward appearance was an attitude and a smile, but I was drowning and dying inside. But somehow, the pain pushed me to go harder, to want and to be better. I wanted to find my voice and help others do the same. Pain is inevitable, and through it all, somehow, I learned to love the pain.