Misplaced 2: Out Of Whack and Into Everything

The story I began in my last book continues. The setting is summer vacation between seventh and eighth grade. I am now fourteen years old and still in the grip of crazy obsessions caused by an insatiable appetite for sex, or physical contract, or seeing people naked; whatever you want to call it. And as you learned from the last book, it was not just me who had these obsessions. Others had them and caused me to go further than I ever thought I would with my own.

It’s amazing for me to think back and realize that the whole thing started over a visit to my doctor’s office at the age of five, and my attempts to regain the feeling I had seeing another kid with his shirt off by playing doctor with my peers. Of course, it was all a lot more complicated than that and the constant tutoring by kids that had their own ideas about playing doctor didn’t help. Then there were the kids that wanted me to see them naked and touch them. They came to me ready and willing to drop their drawers. That made quitting or cutting back all but impossible.

I think you will find that the true stories in this book are even more fascinating and disturbing than those I shared in the first one. As a teenager, I now had the ability to take my obsession to new levels. I also met people (like Meg) who liked orchestrating the behavior of others. They willingly fed my obsession in order to satisfy their own.

The person who I think you will find the most interesting in this book is my cousin Ingrid. Her sudden entry into my life knocked the game up more than a few notches. Just to be clear, I loved her deeply. I hold nothing against her because, in the end, we’re all responsible for the things we do. As you have already learned from the first book, the person that many kids have their first intimate experience with may be a cousin or close relative. I guess it’s all about access and the feeling that you’re close to someone like that, but not too close as with a brother or sister.

The saddest part of my tale is the fact that I sometimes forced myself on kids for revenge or because of lust. To be fair, I knew the kids I was dealing with well enough so that there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that they wanted me to do exactly what I did to them or made them do. It wasn’t like I went to someone I didn’t know, grabbed them off the street and made them do whatever. It was not like that at all. Still, I wish I had been able to control myself better at various times. All I can say is that lust is a powerful motivator. If you like candy and find yourself in a candy store, well, you get my point.

I honestly hope that this book helps to open people’s eyes about childhood and teen sexual exploration. Pretending it doesn’t exist or trying to stop it is a non-starter. Allowing kids to safely experiment with each other in a private way and protecting teens having sex against STDs and pregnancy is a better idea. Sexuality was a hidden subject when I was growing up. That’s why I did not really know what was going on with my body and could not understand the desires I had at such a young age. If someone would have tried to explain those things to me, I am sure that I could have avoided many of the problems that I had, and those that I caused for others.

Sex is a bigger part of our lives than any of us will admit. It is at the center of everything we do and often controls the way we act. Trying to avoid it is like trying to go without eating, drinking or using the bathroom. Like those other things, it is an essential body function. Helping kids to cope with their feelings and allowing them to experiment amongst themselves might just prevent them from growing up to be sexual predators or worse.

Sex should be thought of the same way we think of eating and drinking. Doing anything to excess is not good for us. If people begin to understand their feelings, drives and sexual preferences as kids and teens, perhaps they will grow into well adjusted adults. I will say truthfully that’s what happened to me. I became well adjusted and eventually was able to have stable, monogamous relations because I filled my cup when I was younger and satisfied my desires, instead of repressing them.