Scoundrels' Jig (The Chronicles of Eridia)

A darkly comic novel set in the world of Eridia.

When a dying man staggers into a crowded underworld tavern and tells the assorted desperate characters gathered inside that there’s a huge block of gold hidden in a remote canyon half a day’s journey west, it sets off the craziest, bloodiest treasure hunt Eridia has ever seen.

Among the many crooks, scum, losers, and fools vying for this priceless prize are Bastard Jack, the biggest, baddest, and probably hairiest bandit in the land; Kirby and Blunt, small-time thieves whose schemes always backfire; John Grommet, a timid scribe in need of money to save his dying mother; Gaspard and Merizen, lusty con-artists who find the thought of all that gold stimulating enough to necessitate the occasional time-out for a quickie; the Yellow Pawns, a trio of nihilistic cultists who want the treasure to further their apocalyptic agenda; Illyana and Luornu, young barmaids who dream of a life free from the pawing hands of drunken idiots; and then there’s…Ludwig van Beethoven?

In their mad scramble to get the gold the various competitors must contend not only with each other but also with a team of local constables, a race of monster-people called the gorgim, a peevish dryad, a killer robot, and a gibberish-spouting, pistol-toting serial killer in a plastic snowman mask.

And if they think that stuff’s bad, wait till they find out what’s in store for them when they actually reach the gold…

70,200 words.