Siam Storm

The Series

Spock chuckles after coming into the kitchen, and seeing his friend sitting at the table with a long face, asks.

“Why are you looking so miserable buggerlugs? Missus beat you at arm-wrestling again.”

Stu sighs and looks bewildered as he throws out his arms. “No Spock, I can’t understand why no one is reading my book. It’s full of action packed adventures, and it’s hilarious.”

Spock puckers his brow looking pensive. “Yes matey I know, but perhaps it’s because it’s not long winded like War and Peace, or as descriptive as Hemmingway and that fish.”

Stu looks taken aback. “What, the old man and the sea? Maybe not, but it’s got a fish in it... and plenty of beer and sex like that Hunter S Whatshisface.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t give you goose bumps or send shivers down your spine like Stephen King or Edgar Allan Poe.”

Stu smirks. “It’s got the bit about you getting crushed raw chilli on your Gonads. Okay, it didn’t send shivers down your spine, but it made your eyes water, and gave us all a good laugh.

“Huh,” says Spock wincing and cupping his nether regions recalling the little episode and his run in with the tiny terrorists.

He looks down at his sniggering friend. “Anyway, it’s supposed to be British and there isn’t a thee, thou, or thus in it anywhere like the famous Bard.”

Stu looks excited as he says. “Ooh, I have an aunt who lives in Stratford-upon-Avon. Do you think I should put her in it?”

Spock grins. “Perhaps not a good idea matey, I don’t think Aunty Edna Wilson has the same zesty name as Shakespeare. But I think you need to mention magic in it like the new Bard, JK Rowling and her Harry Potter books.”

“There’s plenty of magic in it!” exclaims Stu while rubbing his chin. "The Thai Holy relic changed before our eyes. Pon made his Jugl…”

“Because we flushed the contents down the toilet,” Spock interrupts.

“That doesn’t matter Spock, it was still magic… and as I was saying; Pon made his Juglave magically appear from his ar…” Spock again stops Stu finishing his sentence. “Yes matey, we know where it came from, and it wasn’t magic.”

Stu sighs, stares at the floor, and looking like a scolded child asks, “So why is no one reading it?”

Spock, realising Stu was taking rejection badly, put his hand on his shoulder. “Cheer up matey,” he says sounding sympathetic.

Although realising the book’s problem a long time ago, Spock knows he is about to hit a raw nerve and sounds sheepish. “Maybe if you changed the title… what do you think?”

Stu lifts his head and frowns. “Why? What’s wrong with the title?”

Spock raises an eyebrow like Roger Moore and looks at his dejected looking old friend. “To be honest matey, 'A Little Fat Bloke Abroad' doesn’t capture the spirit of our four exciting escapades in the mystical orient… does it?”

Stu glowers at Spock. “Huh… so what do you suggest then, smartarse?”

Spock scratches behind his ears while he ponders.

Then, with a smile a mile wide, he announces. “How about: SIAM STORM–The Series?”

Stu looks angry and scratches his chin.

He then looks wistful, raises his eyebrows and smiles.

“Hmm, SIAM STORM–The Series, that has a nice ring to it. Well done Spock, I’ll change it so the lovely people can rush out and grab a copy today.”