Standoff, How The Cold War Really Ended

What if telling the real story could bring the wrath of the world’s superpowers down on you? Then again, what would you think if the person leading you on the adventure to change the history of the world had been known for decades as the Pied Piper of (shut your mouth) and he was one of the sanest people in this tale?

Hi, my name is Mark Stern. I used to be a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. All I thought I was doing was writing a column about Mbangu, the new Secretary General of the United Nations. While doing my interview, I met his old friend, Prince Claude of Luxenstein (the Pied Piper). Then, the world was turned upside down.
I am changing the names and nations of the non-U.S./U.S.S.R. participants. President Mbangu saved his wondrous African island nation from horrible poverty, whereas Prince Claude of Luxenstein gambled and whored away his country’s treasury.

The old friends had a secret, or I should say part of a secret. Accidentally, they had been key figures in ending the Cold War. But they didn’t know the whole story and wanted to learn the rest before it came out on its own. So, they hired me to investigate all the players, discover and correct history.
Imagine if the world had known the real story was something that Monty Python, Dr. Strangelove and Jon Stewart on acid wouldn’t have dreamt of telling. What would have happened? Now, I had to find that story and tell it.

My mini-odyssey took me from New York to North Carolina to Siberia and elsewhere. The pieces of story were as strange as the entire idea. As I located the players, some couldn’t wait to tell their story. Others wanted to mess with me. I alternated being James Bond and Inspector Clouseau.

I found that the arrogance leaders of the superpowers led to their own downfall. The Cold War was brought to an end by semi-competent spies, vodka, fake sex, crazy leaders, cornering a commodity market, a beautiful woman and rhesus monkeys. That’s the sane part.

The U.S. spies whose mission was to sabotage Soviet vodka distilleries were almost caught when an operative cut in a bread line to use the bathroom and was attacked by babushkas wielding umbrellas. The U.S.S.R. sent its top agents to poison America’s tobacco crop. A horny KGB spy nearly gave up his mission to a horny barmaid and her sister in bed.

Meanwhile, Prince Claude sold his vote on the UN Security Council to both superpowers and cornered the tobacco market. Mbangu leveraged his country’s strategic location to coerce the U.S. and U.S.S.R. into building a state-of-the-art port, modern airport and several vodka distilleries.

All hell broke loose when the Americans and Soviets each decided to attack their enemy’s vice. Cables got crossed. Claude and Mbangu learned about it and used this knowledge to beat the superpowers at their own game. After all, how could a playboy prince and the leader of a backward African nation ever compete with the leaders of the countries who had dominated the world for nearly half a century?

Soon, Americans were drinking vodka like fish. Soviets were smoking like chimneys. The giants had switched positions without ever finding out why or how two little guys had brought them to their knees.

Think of all the fun getting to that place. You didn’t think having as many rehab centers as Starbucks was by accident, did you?

You didn’t think Reagan woke up one day, called Gorbachev, and they decided to tear down the Berlin Wall, bury the hatchet and attend a Pink Floyd concert together, did you?

Standoff tells how and why.

This is our story and we’re sticking to it!