The Adventures of Jesus

When Jesus returns will “He be coming on a cloud” (Revelations) or will it be as it was before, an obscure arrival in a backwater town? If you’re betting on the latter, just how will he announce his return? “The Adventures of Jesus” will give you a whole new understanding of how The Second Coming will occur and plenty of laughs besides.
Jesus returns accompanied by his faithful companion, the Angel Gabriel and together they attempt to devise a plan to publicize His recent arrival. They find themselves continually plagued with problems from finding new Apostles to organizing a Sermon on the Mount rally. Even the Savior’s old miracle working skills need some updating now and then. He reveals the true meanings of many of his arcane sayings and parables with clear, easy to understand explanations. Additionally, Jesus tells how some of the most dramatic events in the Bible actually unfolded. You will be shocked (and laugh your ass off).
Note – Reading this story will not condemn you to Hell (just a little extra time in Purgatory maybe!) LOL
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Some scenes from the Adventures of Jesus
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Gabriel stops and turns towards Jesus.
“Wait a minute! Isn't your Father a real estate mogul?”
“Sure! He owns the Universe!”
“Why can't he spot you a little cash then?”
“Didn't I already tell you, he's got financial problems?”
“Are you sure? Did he show you his tax returns?”
“No! He can’t; he was being audited.”
“Audited? By who?”
“The Holy Ghost!”
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A low, hoarse, raspy whisper echoes from the alley.
“Psst! Jesus! Over here” Satan calls.
“Who's that?” Gabriel questions.
“I'm not sure but the voice sounds vaguely familiar.”
Jesus walks over to the alleyway. A silhouetted outline of the speaker can barely be seen in the shadows. Jesus immediately recognizes him.
“I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure. What happened to your voice?”
“The Air Quality Index is ten plus at home and that’s on a good day. There’s no such thing as ‘clean coal’ trust me on that” the figure replies.
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“Look at all these questions. Father's name, mother's maiden name, last employment, and down here at the bottom, penciled in, a two-hundred-and-fifty-word essay on 'Why We Should Never Interrupt Municipal Employee Coffee Breaks'” he reads aloud.
“And Father's name? “
“God!” Jesus answers.
“That's not going to work” Gabriel complains.
“Then how about I put your name down. You where the one who sneaked into to my mom's bedroom that night - so who knows?”
“No way man! You're not going to stick it on me. I was only the messenger of God. Remember?” Gabriel snaps.
“Okay then- I’ll put down Joe Christ!”
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Jesus is revealed standing behind the boulder with his hands thrust forward toward the crowd. Each hand bears a smear of red lipstick and he has a small plastic wreath on his head.
A person close to the stage shouts as Jesus approaches.
“I can see it from here; that’s no crown of thorns!”
Gabriel immediately steps forward next to Jesus and angrily answers.
“Hey man, I went to The Dollar Store, Ebay, Amazon, and all over the Internet. I’d like to see you find a crown of thorns!”
Suddenly another yells.
“I don’t think that’s real blood on his hands either!”
Gabriel shouts back angrily again.
“Two thousand years! Don’t you think he would have healed up by now?”
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Some reviews of the first edition:
Review by: S Berlin on April 23, 2011 :
This is a hoot! Looking forward to reading more of his work.
Review by: grannytoad on March 24, 2011 :
Humorous look at what might happen if Jesus returned to earth today. Definitely not politically correct, but funny!
Review by: J. Robert Ewbank on March 03, 2011 : (no rating)
This play is a comedy about the return of Jesus to earth with his companion Gabriele, the angel. It is lighthearted and enjoyable to read. There are many laughs in the play and I enjoyed it.