The Rock Star and The Lifeguard

Everybody wanted to go to bed with Tony Guiseppi, it had been that way since seventh grade. And not only females, males felt that way too – they were always coming onto him, eyeing him appreciatively, inviting him to a ball game, lunch or a night on the town. Anything he wanted in fact. In fact, he wanted nothing. Tony Guiseppi had learned at an early age that looks were only the package. He knew he was exceptionally good looking. It did not impress him.

Tony Guiseppi was half Italian (his father, Roberto, was a crotch-stroking, drunken native of Naples, who came to America in 1972 for a vacation and stayed), and half American (his mother, Ruth, would have been a Jewish princess if only her family had possessed money). As it was she was a waitress when his father came upon her – literally. They were married exactly one month before Tony entered the world.