Not on Speaking Terms: Clinical Strategies to Resolve Family and Friendship Cutoffs

Nonfiction, Health & Well Being, Psychology, Family Therapy
Cover of the book Not on Speaking Terms: Clinical Strategies to Resolve Family and Friendship Cutoffs by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael, W. W. Norton & Company
View on Amazon View on AbeBooks View on Kobo View on B.Depository View on eBay View on Walmart
Author: Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael ISBN: 9780393709698
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company Publication: October 6, 2014
Imprint: W. W. Norton & Company Language: English
Author: Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
ISBN: 9780393709698
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Publication: October 6, 2014
Imprint: W. W. Norton & Company
Language: English

How significant relationship rifts affect people in therapy, and how therapists can help.

Scratch the surface of almost any family and you will undoubtedly find a significant cutoff. Nearly everyone has someone in their lives with whom they stopped speaking for one reason or another, or someone who abruptly cut them off. Often these severed ties are forever unresolved, and the emotional strain and upset they cause—even if seemingly in the background of one’s life—never go away.

Here, Elena Lesser Bruun and Suzanne Michael have gathered many stories about emotional cutoffs from psychotherapists, and personal stories from a host of laypeople they encountered in the course of writing this book. Based on their collective clinical experience spanning decades of work with clients, the authors identify basic themes, categories, and cutoff types. They then offer a set of guidelines to facilitate a deeper understanding of the dynamics of cutoffs, suggesting strategies for clinicians to use as they work with clients to overcome the emotional devastation that this sort of relationship breach can cause.

Given the magnitude of the problem, its ubiquity, and the psychological complexity associated with it, this book is sorely needed. Each chapter addresses a particular cause for cutoffs, such as abandonment, jealousy, betrayal, matters of principle, and mental illness or substance abuse. All types of relationships are considered: parent-child, other relatives, siblings, former spouses, colleagues, and friends. Close analysis of all these scenarios led the authors to reach many conclusions about cutoffs and how to address them in therapy, including:

• Cutoffs are common experiences—prevalent, sometimes embarrassing, and thus an elephant in the therapy room.
• Cutoffs are extremely damaging even though people often tell themselves the other person is expendable. They induce involuntary suppression of feelings.
• The aftermath of cutoffs can include depression, devastation, dismay, shock, isolation, as well as work problems and physical/psychosomatic issues.
• Cutoffs, even decades old, are not always clients’ presenting problem; however, they often surface in the course of therapy..
• Clinicians often fail to identify cutoffs in their clients’ lives, or encourage clients to explore what happened, and to consider taking steps towards reconciliation. The author’s hypothesize reasons for therapists’ hesitancy and suggest ways to overcome it.

Helping clients to successfully deal with emotional cutoffs will lead to reduction in self-blame for any lost relationships, less reactivity, and lower anxiety in general. No therapist dealing with this all-too-common, challenging issue should be without this book.

View on Amazon View on AbeBooks View on Kobo View on B.Depository View on eBay View on Walmart

How significant relationship rifts affect people in therapy, and how therapists can help.

Scratch the surface of almost any family and you will undoubtedly find a significant cutoff. Nearly everyone has someone in their lives with whom they stopped speaking for one reason or another, or someone who abruptly cut them off. Often these severed ties are forever unresolved, and the emotional strain and upset they cause—even if seemingly in the background of one’s life—never go away.

Here, Elena Lesser Bruun and Suzanne Michael have gathered many stories about emotional cutoffs from psychotherapists, and personal stories from a host of laypeople they encountered in the course of writing this book. Based on their collective clinical experience spanning decades of work with clients, the authors identify basic themes, categories, and cutoff types. They then offer a set of guidelines to facilitate a deeper understanding of the dynamics of cutoffs, suggesting strategies for clinicians to use as they work with clients to overcome the emotional devastation that this sort of relationship breach can cause.

Given the magnitude of the problem, its ubiquity, and the psychological complexity associated with it, this book is sorely needed. Each chapter addresses a particular cause for cutoffs, such as abandonment, jealousy, betrayal, matters of principle, and mental illness or substance abuse. All types of relationships are considered: parent-child, other relatives, siblings, former spouses, colleagues, and friends. Close analysis of all these scenarios led the authors to reach many conclusions about cutoffs and how to address them in therapy, including:

• Cutoffs are common experiences—prevalent, sometimes embarrassing, and thus an elephant in the therapy room.
• Cutoffs are extremely damaging even though people often tell themselves the other person is expendable. They induce involuntary suppression of feelings.
• The aftermath of cutoffs can include depression, devastation, dismay, shock, isolation, as well as work problems and physical/psychosomatic issues.
• Cutoffs, even decades old, are not always clients’ presenting problem; however, they often surface in the course of therapy..
• Clinicians often fail to identify cutoffs in their clients’ lives, or encourage clients to explore what happened, and to consider taking steps towards reconciliation. The author’s hypothesize reasons for therapists’ hesitancy and suggest ways to overcome it.

Helping clients to successfully deal with emotional cutoffs will lead to reduction in self-blame for any lost relationships, less reactivity, and lower anxiety in general. No therapist dealing with this all-too-common, challenging issue should be without this book.

More books from W. W. Norton & Company

Cover of the book Utah: A History by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book The Wave-Maker: Poems by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Girl in Black and White: The Story of Mary Mildred Williams and the Abolition Movement by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Lost Decades: The Making of America's Debt Crisis and the Long Recovery by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book City of Light, City of Poison: Murder, Magic, and the First Police Chief of Paris by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Vex, Hex, Smash, Smooch: Let Verbs Power Your Writing by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book The Fortune of War (Vol. Book 6) (Aubrey/Maturin Novels) by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Suffer the Children: The Case against Labeling and Medicating and an Effective Alternative by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book A Short Bright Flash: Augustin Fresnel and the Birth of the Modern Lighthouse by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book A Little More About Me by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book The Little Girl Who Fought the Great Depression: Shirley Temple and 1930s America by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Working with Parents of Anxious Children: Therapeutic Strategies for Encouraging Communication, Coping & Change by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book The Compassionate Connection: The Healing Power of Empathy and Mindful Listening by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book New Mexico: A History by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
Cover of the book Limits of the Known by Elena Lesser Bruun, Suzanne Michael
We use our own "cookies" and third party cookies to improve services and to see statistical information. By using this website, you agree to our Privacy Policy