Phantom Booty Call

I could barely open my crusted eyes. My head felt crappy and my throat scratched like miniature tumble weeds were trying to escape. It took me a moment to realize I was my living room….but I was laying on something rather lumpy...and warm. God it was moving too! Staring into sudden bright light made the carnival in my head worst...not to mention that churning in my stomach. None of this was surprising...considering the night I had endured. My best guy bud was moving to New York for his job and we thought it would be unholy to not send him off with a night of tequila shot mayhem and overindulgence. He was my shopping buddy and I was his wing man at the bar...even though it irked me sometimes that he usually scored the hotter guys than I did. But I was really going to miss our time together. Us being loud and obnoxious and him turning down that really sweet French guy for our night was crystal clear in my mind….until about 11 pm….then it was morning.

What really scared me was not that I couldn’t remember if I had made the headlines by doing something totally off the books, but the person I was laying on top of. Fuck! This was one of those moments, waking up to some unclothed stranger...I mean, this has happened to me before like once or twice, but it’s always the same though the next morning “Oh hell...this awkwards shit”. This time...it was that awkward feeling and another horrifying thought gripping me...I had no idea who this person was, no memory of taking him home, no recollection of what he looked like. One thing I was sure of was that I was lying on top of a dude and not a chick...which wouldn’t have been half as bad. He had one hairy arm wrapped around me...and I could feel his morning stiffy poked into my thigh. Shit!